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The New Print Edition of CounterPunch, Only for Our Newsletter Subscribers! The Lesser of Two Evils: Bill or Hillary? Alexander Cockburn profiles the couple, as they battle to recapture the Oval Office PLUS Why You Can't Discuss Immigration without Dealing with "Free Trade". Alexandra Early on why 42 per cent of ALL Salvadorans would leave for the U.S. if they had a chance. PLUS Israel and Palestine: One State or Two? Kathleen Christison makes the case for One State. Get your copy today by subscribing online or calling 1-800-840-3683 Contributions to CounterPunch are tax-deductible. Click here to make a donation. If you find our site useful please: Subscribe Now! CounterPunch books and gear make great holiday presents. Order CounterPunch By Email For Only $35 a Year !

Today's Stories February 16 / 17, 2008 Ralph Nader We the Corporations ... February 15, 2008 George Szamuely The Absurdity of "Independent" Kosovo Patrick Cockburn Ground-Truthing the Surge: Is the US Really Bringing Stability to Baghdad? Wajahat Ali Pakistan is Burning: an Interview with Steve Coll on the Taliban, Bin Laden and the Bush Administration Mike Whitney Henry Paulsen's Wild Ride on the Economic Hindenberg Alan Farago God and the Democrats Chris Genovali Alberta's Black Gold Rush Jacob Hornberger Courting Injustice: Scalia on Torture Dave Lindorff Snoops Always Ring Twice: Bush's Protect America Bill Bull Website of the Day Live From the Land of Hopes and Dreams     February 14, 2008 Kathleen and Bill Christison Palestine in the Mind of America Mike Whitney Swan Song for NATO Clancy Sigal Strike Notes from a Screenwriter George Wuerthner A Bloody Sham: the Yellowstone Bison Slaughter Peter Morici Is Bernanke Headed for the Exit? John Ross Drug War Mayhem Boils Over from Border to Border Allan Nairn Mafia Rules in the Middle East: If You're Big Enough, You Can Whack Anyone Rannie Amiri Lebanon's Warmongers Niranjan Ramakrishnan The New Tractatus: Where Wittgenstein Meets Feinstein Donna Volatile Be Careful What You Vote For, You Just Might Get It Seth Sandronsky The Student Squeeze: Fighting California's Tuition Hikes Website of the Day Conventions: the Land Around Us   February 13, 2008 Nikolas Kozloff Meet John McCain: Mr. Big Stick in Latin America Alan Farago Hell to Pay: Warren Buffett on the Goal Line Christina Kasica King's Dream Foreclosed: the Subprime Crisis in Black America Vicente Navarro How to Read the U.S. Primaries Hall Greenland Australia's Finest Hour Lee Sustar Strange Stimulation: Too Little for Those Who Need It Most David Macaray The Writers' Strike Finally Ends Roderick Frazier Nash Celebrating Wilderness Patrick Irelan Hugo Chávez and High Anxiety at the NYT Anthony Papa Mean Mister Mukasey: AG Tries to Block Crack Cocaine Releases Carl Finamore Another Parade Passes Me By: Don't Let Your Movement be Coopted by Politicians Website of the Day John He Is   February 12, 2008 Frank J. Menetrez The Case Against Alan Dershowitz Paul Craig Roberts War Without End Dr. Trudy Bond The Elephant at Gitmo: Camp 7 and the Torturer's Shrink Andy Worthington The Guantánamo Six: Why Charge Them Now? What About the Torture? Col. Dan Smith The Psychology of Killing: Close In or Far Away? Ronnie Cummins Globalization: Standing at the End of the Road Ralph Nader Open the Government John V. Walsh Antiwarriors, Divided and Conquered Dave Lindorff Obama and Progressive Change: Let's Hope the Movement Transforms the Candidate Michael Donnelly Who's Pimping Whom? The Clintons' Selective No Talk Rules Ron Jacobs La Lucha Continua: Castro's "Life" Ben Tripp Beggars Collide Website of the Day Springsteen and Youngstown   February 11, 2008 Cockburn / St. Clair Lessons for Obama: When is a Delegate Not a Delegate? Wajahat Ali A Discussion with Walt and Mearsheimer on the Israel Lobby Ray McGovern Waterboarding for God and Country Allan Nairn The Shooting of Jose Ramos Horta Uri Avnery An End Foreseen? Chris Floyd American Psycho: the Meaning of Mitt Romney's Exit Speech Martha Rosenberg School Lessons in a Lunchbox: Lunchmeat from Tortured Cows Stephen Fleischman The Bonnie and Clyde of American Politics Marc Lamont Hill Not My Brand of Hope Liliana Segura Obama and Torture: the Sounds of Silence and Equivocation Peter Morici Challenges for the New President Christopher Brauchli A Drug Rant from a Former Taker Website of the Day Annie vs. the Blue Angels   February 8 / 10, 2008 Paul Craig Roberts Does the GOP Have Aces Up Its Sleeves? Patrick Cockburn Will Moqtada al-Sadr's Truce Hold? Mike Whitney The Great Bust of '08 Anthony DiMaggio How the Press Covers Waterboarding Andy Worthington The Guántanamo Trials: Where are the Terrorists? Linn Cohen-Cole Hillary, Will You Renounce Your Ties to Monsanto? Firmin DeBrabander Notes from the Foreclosure Front: Suing Your Way to Solvency Cpt. Paul Watson The Other Whaling Industry: How Greenpeace Cashes In on the Suffering and Deaths of the Great Whales Kenneth S. Pope Why I Resigned from the American Psychological Association Jacob G. Hornberger American Soldiers Will Pay the Price for Bush's Torture Policy Robert Bryce Beyond Group Think on Climate Change: If More CO2 is Bad ... Then What? P. Sainath The Last of the Buccaneer Editors Allan Nairn Give Me Back My Land Fred Gardner / Pebbles Trippet "The District Attorney of Shasta County Doesn't Know the Law!" Andrew Wimmer Growing Up Catholic: Ignorance is Death Robert Fantina America's Disgrace: the Case of Omar Khadr David Michael Green Partycide in Six Easy Steps: Watch the Democrats Destroy Themselves Kevin Zeese Is Dennis Kucinich Being McKinney'd? Peter Morici Wall Street Gives Bernacke a Vote of No Confidence Chris Driscoll Could Nader be the Come-Back Kid of 2008? Prairie Miller Black August: Bringing George Jackson's Life to the Screen Poets Basement Davies and Buknatski   February 7, 2008 Patrick Cockburn Why Baghdad Will Explode Again Bill Christison Potholes Bigger Than Ever for Palestinians David Anderson NBC's "To Entrap" a Predator: Perverting Justice for the Sake of Ratings Ron Jacobs Innocent Flesh: Recruiting Kids to Kill Nikolas Kozloff Hugo Chávez's Coca: It's the Real Thing Jane Rockefeller The Moral Economy of an Anti-Poverty Foundation Andy Worthington On Waterboarding: Two Questions for Michael Hayden Dave Zirin Instep Intifada Saul Landau The "Honestest" Candidate Since Lincoln Susie Day Our Blob in the White House Website of the Day George Carlin on Voting   February 6, 2008 Cockburn / St. Clair Super Tuesday's Vote for Chaos Ben Rosenfeld Informant Games: The Disturbing GreenScare Case of Briana Waters Vijay Prashad An Intellectual Hustler Lays It All Out Joe Bageant Nine Billion Little Feet on the Highway of the Damned Michael Donnelly What White Women Do In Private Voting Booths Allan Nairn Does the US Need a Civilizing Mayan Invasion? Kathryn Gray Wilderness on Edge: The Fate of Donner Summit Ray McGovern Powell's UN Fiasco Sheldon Richman The Whining Empire Paul Cantor / Roger Sparks A Presidential Aptitude Examination John Chuckman Political Bits and Pieces Website of the Day Save the Albatross February 5, 2008 Winslow T. Wheeler The Chaos in America's Vast Security Budget Tariq Ali Why I Will Not Participate in the Turin Book Fair Stephen Soldz The Secret Rules of Engagement in Iraq: Did Rumsfeld Authorize War Crimes? Chris Floyd Strange Fruit: America's Gulag and the Good War William S. Lind Saddam's Secret War Strategy: Die and Win Martha Rosenberg Live From the Killing Floor Heather Gray Conversations with Georgia Voters Ayesha Ijaz Khan Obama, Bhagwandas and the Battle for a Secular Politics David Macaray Unions Need to Stop Being So Nice Eliza Ernshire Making Music and Laughing Till the Tears Run Brenda Norrell Hated Nation Website of the Day The Things I Used to Do     February 4, 2008 Marc Levy Winter in America Patrick Cockburn The Bird Market Bombings Saree Makdisi Strangling Gaza Uri Avnery From Stalingrad to Winograd Alan Farago Let's Get Bambi! Someone is Slaughtering Florida's Key Deer Ben Tripp Spare Change: the Whine of the Progressive Voter Paul Wolf Civil Wars North and South Paul Craig Roberts Why Were the 9/11 Tapes Destroyed? Joshua Frank MoveOn's Obama Endorsement: Why There's No Hope for Change John Halle Whither Progressive Democrats? Website of the Day How to Cheat in School   February 2 / 3, 2008 Alexander Cockburn Hot Democratic Properties Pam Martens Bankers Gone Bonkers: Global Finance and the Insanity Defense Ralph Nader The Great Clinton-Obama Debate: Questions They Weren't Asked John Ross Hilaria vs. "El Moreno" Wajahat Ali Hillary, Obama and the Clash of Civilizations: an Interview with Imam Zaid Shakir Robert Fantina A Colony by Any Other Name: Iraq as Stepchild of the American Empire B. R. Gowani Not All Veils and Guns James L. Secor China in Winter: On the Western Edge of the Great Snow John V. Walsh The Invisible Green Primary Niranjan Ramakrishnan Barack's Bubble, Bubba's Trouble Dave Zirin Who Stole the Super Bowl's Soul? Jeremy Scahill Blackwater and Blood Fidel Castro Reflections on Lula Joe Allen Tet Reconsidered: the Turning Point in the Vietnam War Stephen Lendman Life in Occupied Gaza Patrick Irelan What Happened to the Streetcars? Andrej Grubacic Ziga Vodovnik Caligula's Horse: the USA, New Europe and Kosovo Josh Karpoff Dead Soldiers and the Antiwar Movement Ron Jacobs Carl Oglesby's War Paul Krassner Tom Waits Meets Super-Joel Website of the Weekend Company Woman: Hillary and Wal-Mart   February 1, 2008 Ray McGovern The Iniquities and Inequalities of War Diane Farsetta The Wild Career of James "Dow 36,000" Glassman Patrick Cockburn The Most Dangerous Country in the World for Journalists Tariq Ali Et Tu, New York Times? Allan Nairn Eating Dirt for Lunch in Haiti Rannie Amiri Collective Punishment in Beirut Ramzy Baroud People Power in Gaza: They Simply Did It Kenneth Couesbouc The Mother of All Snowballs Peter Morici Recession Looms Mumia Abu-Jamal Witha "Brutha" Like This: Bill Clinton as White Negro Rosemary Jackowski 27 Reasons Nader Should Run for President Scott Campbell Direct Action to Stop the War Re-emerges Website of the Day Betes et Hommes   January 31, 2008 Saul Landau Return to Afghanistan Andy Worthington Horror at Guantánamo Mike Whitney Rate Cut as Dagger: America's Teetering Banking System Jeff Ballinger Sustainability for Dictators Initiative? Clinton Praises the "Suharto of the Steppe" Tiffany Ten Eyck The Saga of the Freightliner Five William Loren Katz Waterboarding: Torure or Mystery? Alan Farago Why the Republicans are in Deep Trouble Col. Dan Smith Oh Say Can You See the 2009 Budget? China Hand Slouching Toward Islamabad Dave Lindorff The Usual Suspects Once Again Wadner Pierre Fake Democracy in Haiti Website of the Day One Big Union   January 30, 2008 Cockburn / St. Clair McCain vs. Clinton? Christopher Ketcham The Genius of the Development Industrial-Complex Robert Weissman America By the Numbers: The Shameful State of the Union Neve Gordon An Experiment in Famine Paul Craig Roberts Regulation or Deregulation, Which is Worse? Joanne Mariner How Anti-Terror Laws Threaten Free Speech David Macaray Labor's Only Real Weapon Liaquat Ali Khan Is NATO Committing Genocide in Afghanistan? Raymond J. Lawrence Prankster-in-Chief: Bush's Troubling Non-Verbal Communication Dan Bacher The Collapse of the Central Valley Salmon Website of the Day Onward Through the Fog   January 29, 2008 Franklin C. Spinney Bush's New War Budget: the $70 Billion Hand-Off Mike Whitney The Great Credit Unwind of 2008 Alan Farago Buyer Beware: Florida, the Candidates and the Latin Builders Association Patrick Cockburn "The Americans Bring Us Only Destruction" Gary Leupp "We Can't Afford to Let Them Spill the Beans:" a Sibel Edmonds Timeline R. F. Blader A World Without Abortion: USA v. Romania Ahmad Faruqui Musharraf's Post-Electoral Prospect Fran Shor Obama, the Kennedys and "Change We Can Believe In" Jeremy Scahill Secret Trials and Criminal Convictions: the Ordeal of the Blackwater Protesters Allan Nairn Bush's SOTU: Entitlement, Justice and the War of All Against All Website of the Day The Ghost of Rambo   January 28, 2008 Patrick Cockburn Return to Fallujah Paul Craig Roberts The End of American Liberty Allan Nairn The Breaking of the Gaza Wall Eyad al-Sarraj / Sara Roy Ending the Stranglehold on Gaza Martha Rosenberg Obit for the "Front Page" City Corporate Crime Reporter How They Rip Us Off David Michael Green Kristolizing Iraq: What a Great Freakin' War Jennifer Van Bergen What's Left? Nancy Oden Survival Tips for Hard Times Divya Karnad Saving India's Sea Turtles James L. Secor Pissed About Pistorious: Why the Olympics Needs a Gimp Website of the Day Yellow Journalism?   January 26 / 27, 2008 Uri Avnery Worse Than a Crime JoAnn Wypijewski How the Clintons Lost It, Whatever the Outcome in S. Carolina Ralph Nader Ambition, Power and the Clintons Paul Craig Roberts How Bush Destroyed the Dollar Paul Watson I'm Proud to be a Pirate! John Ross Murder and Cover-Up in Mexico Fred Gardner Ross v. Raging Wire: Employer's Right to Fire Workers Held Sacred by California Supreme Court Allan Nairn Little Hands with Fever: Some Consequences of Poverty Death Joshua Frank Why Bush Wants to Legalize the Nuke Trade with Turkey Binoy Kampmark Société Générale and the Economic Meltdown James T. Phillips America's Sick Comedy: Bringing the War Home Stan Cox The Depressing Truth About Anti-Depressants Eamonn McCann Hillary's Lie: "I Brought Peace to Northern Ireland" Ron Jacobs The Horizons of History: What's at Stake in Bolivia Seth Sandronsky California's Health Care Crisis Ben Terrall The Future is Unwritten Poets' Basement Tripp, Gardner, Gibbons and Davies Website of the Weekend City of Immigrants     January 25, 2008 Douglas Valentine Operation Two-Fold: How the CIA Infiltrated the DEA Patrick Cockburn US Troops Will Be In Iraq for 10 More Years: an Interview with Iraqi Foreign Minister Hoshyar Zebari JoAnn Wypijewski Down to the Wire in South Carolina Heather Gray Are We Seeing a Racial Shift in the South? Conversations with South Carolina Voters Marjorie Cohn Senate Democrats Poised to Fold to Cheney on FISA Erica Rosenberg Environmentalists Out on a Limb: the Perils of Collaboration Alan Farago Jeb Bush Goes Nuclear Robert Weissman Reclaiming Economic Freedom Laura Carlsen Wild Cards: Mining the Hispanic Vote in Nevada Stephen Lendman Israeli Repression in the Hebron Website of the Day The FIX is In   January 24, 2008 JoAnn Wypijewski Obama as Anthologist of Uplift Paul Craig Roberts President Hillary Alexander Cockburn Hillary Wants to Talk About Dirty Legal Dealings? Remember Her Nursing Home Scam? Kathleen Christison One and Two State Solutions and the Myth of International Consensus Jeff Halper Power to the (Palestinian) People! Stanley Heller The Siege of Gaza is Broken George Wuerthner The Moronic Sport: ORVs on the Public Lands Patrick Cockburn Desperate Iraqi Farmers Turn to Opium Jeff Sher Just How "Good" is Your Health Insurance? Patrick Irelan Musharraf, the Steadfast Ally? Charles Modiano Restoring the Anti-War King Website of the Day An Illustrated History of Trepanation   January 23, 2008 David Rosen The Great Disappearing Act: the Presidential Candidates and the Politics of Sex David Isenberg Is It Really So Hard to Believe That Iran Stopped Its Nuclear Weapons Program? Farzana Versey Hillary's Harem Paul Craig Roberts The Empire That Must Be Obeyed Alan Farago Where Did All the Good Times Go? Allan Nairn Indonesian Intelligence Service Threatens to Kill Human Rights Activist Kenneth Couesbouc Another Turn of the Screw Niranjan Ramakrishnan How the West was Re-Sold Michael Donnelly Obama Strikes Back Norman Solomon The Power of Love Website of the Day Rafah Today   January 22, 2008 Paul Craig Roberts Farewell to Old Economic Nostrums JoAnn Wypijewski King Day in Columbia, South Carolina Al Giordano Divide and Conquer Politics: How the Clinton Campaign Armed a Black-Latino Time Bomb in Nevada Felice Pace Power Politics in the Klamath: Water, Dams and Salmon Paul Wolf Bolívar's Sword Robert Weissman Deregulation and the Financial Crisis Dave Lindorff The Bush Dollar Trap Marjorie Cohn Cheney Impeachment Gains Traction Richard Neville Keeping Shakespeare in a Box Don Fitz / Zaki Baruti St. Louis Mayor Booed Off MLK Platform Ben Terrall Cindy Sheehan and the Virtues of Divisiveness Sam Husseini Stoning Martin Luther King, Jr. Website of the Day Defend the Mapuche!     January 21, 2008 Kevin Alexander Gray Playing the Race Card Linn Washington, Jr. Deferring Dreams, Delusions of Democracy Pam Martens How Wall Street Blew Itself Up David Macaray Labor's Grim Dilemma: Do We Need a Labor Party? Uri Avnery Look Who's Talking Omar Barghouti Europe's Collusion in Israel's Slow Genocide Joe DeRaymond Protest and Trial in D.C. B.R. Gowani Why Islam Should Tolerate Images Shepherd Bliss The False U.S. Economy Jean-Guy Allard Philip Agee Versus the CIA Dan Bacher Leaping Steelhead! Website of the Day Destroyed By a Rising Flood January 19 / 20, 2008 Alexander Cockburn The Campaign in Black and White Saul Landau Good Time Charlie's War China Hand Endgame for Pakistan? Conn Hallinan Desert Mirage: What Was the Bombing of Syria Really About? Ron Jacobs No Retreat Dave Lindorff A Tax Rebate Won't Fix This Mess Andy Worthington Canada's Humiliating Double Standard on Torture Paul Armentano What's the Going Price for a Joint? More Than You Might Think Seth Sandronsky High Crimes and Economics Michael Donnelly Dodging Ecocide Patrick Irelan The Ordeal of Dr. Safdar Sarki Martha Rosenberg The Drug Industry Takes Another Hit Sherwood Ross Making the World Safe for Despots: Bush's Global Arms Trade David Michael Green So You Want to be My President, Eh? James Rothenberg Unimpeachable: Under House Protection Daniel Gross Starbucks Shortchanges Dr. King Peter N. Carroll In Memory of Milton Wolff Susie Day Croakin' on Hudson Paul Krassner Woody Allen Meets Tongue Fu Poets' Basement Wolff, Buknatski and Orloski Website of the Day Rocky Mountain Blues   January 18, 2008 Allan Nairn Killing Civilians, Carefully Ralph Nader When the Big Boys Get in Trouble, Who Pays the Ultimate Bill? Joanne Mariner Terrorism and Preventative Detention Alan Farago The Stimulus and the Meltdown P. Sainath Pity the Brahmins R.F. Blader Beyond Steinem's Feminism Andy Worthington A Letter from Guantánamo John Jonik Private Insurance is Bad for Your Health Brian McKenna Where Even Sharing is Prohibited: Notes from Inside a Michigan Women's Prison Daoud Kuttab This Time Next Year? Website of the Day Those South Carolina Voting Machines   January 17, 2008 Paul Craig Roberts Leader and Vassal Christopher Brauchli The FBI's Bills Come Due Robert Fantina Leadership, Bush and the New York Times Patrick Irelan Eternal War Paul A. Moore When the Rich Pay No Taxes Stephen Lendman Institutionalized Spying on Americans Beena Sarwar Bhutto and the "State Within a State" Walter Brasch Buzzwords in the Echo Chamber: Change and the Establishment Brenda Norrell Bush Legacy in Texas Sours Adam Federman End of the Left? Website of the Day Democrats for Romney   January 16, 2008 Jeffrey St. Clair Return of the Native Franklin Lamb The Bombing at Qarantina Julian Sanchez David Weigel Who Wrote Ron Paul's Newsletters? Sharon Smith Ron Paul and the Left: a Slippery Slope? Allan Nairn Economic Indicator: No Free Lunch, No Free Market Ayesha Ijaz Khan How the American Media Enables Bush's Iran Fixation Andy Worthington A Strategic Call to Close Guantánamo Richard Behan Nancy Pelosi, You Must Impeach! Website of the Day Obama the New JFK? He's Not That Bad!   January 15, 2008 Andrea Peacock Breach of Trust in America's Most Toxic Town: How the EPA is Rubbing Poison Into Libby's Wounds Wajahat Ali An Interview with Seymour Hersh on Iraq, Bush Foreign Policy and the Prospects of War with Iran Joe Bageant Getting Out the Bling Vote Ralph Nader The Candidate Taboos John Ross Zero Hour: NAFTA and Mexico's Agrarian Apocalypse Elaine Cassel Jose Padilla vs. John Yoo: Can a National Disgrace be Rectified? Peter Morici The Fed Needs More Than a New Communications Strategy Beena Sarwar Pakistan's Dirty Tricks Brigade Robert Weissman Big Business is Even More Unpopular Than You Thought Binoy Kampmark Going Tata in India Dave Zirin Dennis Brutus Smacks Down the Hall of Fame Website of the Day David Lynch on the iPhone   January 14, 2008 Ishmael Reed Ma and Pa Clinton Flog Uppity Black Man Roger Morris Burials in the Sind Uri Avnery The Hands of Esau Mike Whitney Bush's Voodoo Stimulus Package Allan Nairn General Suharto of Indonesia: One Small Man Leaves a Million Corpses William Blum Oh, By the Way, the Iraqis Don't Really Want Us Alan Farago A Subprime Wake Up Call David Macaray Are Labor Unions Ready for Prime Time? Eva Liddell Getting Drunk with Obama Zoe Blunt Road Kill: New Highway Blocked by Protesting Raccoons Website of the Day Doug and Andrea Peacock on Grizzlies   January 12 / 13, 2008 Andrew Cockburn How the New England Journal of Medicine Undercounted Iraqi Civilian Deaths Saul Landau 60 Years of Empire Corey D. B. Walker Barack Obama and the Crisis of the White Intellectual Col. Dan Smith Bush, Iran and the Magician of the Tarot Eric Toussaint The US Subprime Crisis Goes Global Ron Jacobs Television, Murder and Vietnam Fred Gardner The People vs. Christopher James Chakos Stan Cox Don't Take That Pill! Jacob G. Hornberger The Warfare State Ramzy Baroud The Good, the Bad and the Ugly Joseph Grosso The Anglosphere: a Special Relationship of Elites David Díaz-Arias Imagining An/Other Latin American Left Stacey Warde Before We Move On ... Dan Bacher Pumped to Extinction: the Decline of the Delta Smelt Michael Dickinson Georgie in Jesusland Website of Weekend CounterPunchers Protest Outside NYT Offices   January 11, 2008 Dave Lindorff Did Hillary Really Win New Hampshire? More Questions About Diebold Voting Machines Paul Craig Roberts No Escape from War and Unemployment Andy Worthington Six Years of Guantánamo Kenneth Couesbouc Banking on Thin Ice Jeff Ballinger Inside the Vienna Consensus Christopher Brauchli Lethal Injection, the Supremes and China Manuel Garcia, Jr. Paying No Attention to the Presidential Campaigns Andrew Silverstein Bush's Weepy Visit to Jerasulem Marwan Bishara Bush in the Middle East Robert Weissman The First Amendment Gone Wild Patrick Irelan Damn the Small Boats! Website of the Day Hillary and the Superdelegates: Or Why She Wins Even When She Loses     January 10, 2008 Alexander Cockburn Now Nader Claims He Didn't Endorse Edwards Bob Wing Marqueece Harris-Dawson Race Within the Race: Obama, the NH Vote and the Specter of Tom Bradley Michael Donnelly White Women Gone Wild? David Macaray Three Big Reasons for the Decline of Labor Unions China Hand Bush's Delusional Policy Pushes Pakistan to Brink of Catastrophe Ayesha Ijaz Khan Saudi Arabia and Pakistan: Brotherly, Friendly Countries? Rannie Amiri Obama, Man of Kansas or Kenya? Website of the Day Iranian Video of the Hormuz Incident   January 9, 2008 Cockburn / St. Clair The Empire Strikes Back Dave Lindorff The Bad News from New Hampshire: Death By Triangulation John Chuckman Pardon My Laughter: Watching the US Primaries from Canada James Bovard Stomping Freedom: Inside the Martial Law Act of 2006 Alan Farago As Florida Sinks: the View from the Titanic Russell Mokhiber Why Picket the New York Times in DC on Friday? William S. Lind Kicking the Can Down the Road in Iraq Peter Morici Beyond the Sophistry: Why the Trade Deficit Matters Josh Reubner Sudan vs. Israel: Double Standard on Divestment Mike Roselle The Pursuit of Happiness Website of the Day Bottles of Tears on the Wall: Steve Perry on NH       Subscribe Online

Weekend Edition February 16 / 17, 2008 Unwholly Warriors Attack of the Info-tainment Circus By WAJAHAT ALI Note: This is an excerpt from Wajahat Ali's play, Unwholly Warriors. Scene II "Attack of the Info-tainment Circus" NARRATOR The scene begins in a gaudy, over lit news studio with several Hi definition cameras and lights (Made in Japan) focused on a mahogany news desk and an overpriced red, white and blue, firm, patriotic and potent, ergonomic chair (Made in Singapore). There is a mug, a manly mug, (Made in Bangladesh) with "NO BULL" written in Ivory white letters on a blue and red cup. The fertile American flag (Made in Mexico) is shimmering behind the news desk either via a digital screen or an actual hanging flag. There is 1 ergonomic, main anchor's chair, which is sturdy chair made by and for MANLY men and not girly-sissy boys. To the left of this main, manly anchor chair, there are 5 girly-sissy boy, non-ergonomic chairs made by and for unmanly, girly-sissy boy men. The highly melodramatic and pompous theme song to "No BULL Zone with Bull 'Bob' Riley" blares as the lights slowly illuminate the stage. A mighty bull roar is heard. ROAR. The Announcer gloats - "And now its time for the NO BULL ZONE. Only the most pressing, urgent matters of national news are discussed in a fair, respectful, professional and balanced manner!" A Mighty bull Roar is heard again. ROAR And now, here's your hostBULL RILEY! (Suddenly "Zombie Nation" the sports anthem played at every sporting event is heard blasting through the speakers. Bull explodes from behind the curtains like a theatrical, egotistical superstar with his hands in the air waving to the crowd. He gives audience members high fives. He pumps his chest, chin up, and struts and dances about the floor and then on the stage. He poses a couple of times like GQ magazine cover stars and blows kisses to the air.) BULL The Shiite has hit the fan in I-rack! Not so, according to The White House which openly rejected the notion that I-rack is near a total civil war between the Sunny's (Deliberately mispronounced) and Shee-ites! But according to your beloved Bull Riley (Points to himself) the No Bull Zone says "The Shiite has hit the fan in America" and we are mad as hell, and we're not gonna' take it anymore! NARRATOR The studio screen cues the "applause and whooping" sign for the live audience. (NARRATOR look at audience) This where you, the audience, yes you, applaud and whoop. (Wait for some applauding and whooping). There is also a 'Yeehaw' heard in the background. (Yee-haw!) BULL First--if you're like the Bull - NARRATOR There is the sound of the Mighty Bull Roar. ROAR! BULL - you've noticed some disturbing behaviors in this free, glorious, tolerant country of ours that can no longer be tolerated. Illegal immigrants and terrorists. Border hopping Frida Kahlos, Amphibian Dr. Zhivagos, Stow Away Charlie Chans, Underwater Ann Trans, Aerodynamic Osama Bin Ladens, Magic Carpet Aladdins and other ethnic undesirables. Aliens, ladies and gentlemen. Illegal aliens using illegal immigration to cover deadly illegal immigrant terrorists. To discuss these E.T., extra-terrestrial terrorists soiling our very own pure, pristine, fertile unsoiled American backyard, we welcome 5 distinguished darki- excuse me minoriti--I meant­ members of the Moslem, Mexican, Middle Eastern, and "The White is Right" communities. NARRATOR Stage left is now illuminated and 5 members of the infotainment circus are trotted out one by one BULL We have Izod Mangee, a feminist liberal lesbian Muslim South Asian refusenik pop culture scholar--author of the best selling bold and original "Failure of Islam" and also author of the incendiary "Die Darkman Die" Trilogy, with its scorching sequel, "Die Darkman Die II: Darkman Die Harder," and the recent best seller "Die Darkman Die III: Why won't you die, Darkman? Please Die. For the love of God, just die. Seriously. Please. Just Die." (Looks to IZOD and sincerely says -) Very subtle. (Izod comes in to the song "Raining Men" and makes an entrance.) NARRATOR Izod rips the flag of a poster that says "Man" on it. BULL Next up, a man capable of producing Satanic Verses-- the Ayatollah Khomeini's favorite, most bestest author (chuckles to himself), the fatwah-tastic fantastic author-in-hiding Saleem Rush-to-die making a rare public appearance-- "shhh don't tell Iran" - to promote his new books "I is for Infidel," P is for Pagan" and "H is for Heathen." (He walks into "Magic Carpet Ride." ) NARRATOR Rushtodie becomes enraged and rips Iran's flag.   BULL The noted civil libertarian and human rights lawyer, Alan Doochawitz, promoting his new brilliant book - "Torture: It's what's for dinner, biiiitches," which is a compassionate, humane plea for the "legal" torture of terrorism suspects - (Dooch walks into "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley.)   NARRATOR Dooch becomes enraged and rips the Universal Declarations of Human Rights. BULL and we're lucky to have Ward Chavez author of "Assimilate NOW! Abstaining from Mexifornicating" (Chavez comes in to "Oye como va") NARRATOR Chavez rips a picture of a burrito in halfAnd then he eats it. BULL .and the superstar of the evening, John Yu Kazuo, whose last name "Kazuo" means a "Man of Peace"! Here to promote his new book "Defending Internment!" (Kazu comes in like a rockstar, down the aisles, posing and giving high fives. He struts to "Kung Fu.") NARRATOR He rips the photo of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Then he composes himself and looks in the camera and says--   KAZUO I am Kazuo.a Man of Peace.   BULL And finally - (rolls eyes and annoyed) from the whiners known as the Civil Liberties Coalition , we have Saddam Hussein Osama Bin Ladin Noriega Syria­ (He comes in to "Loser" by Beck.) EMANON That's NOT my name. My name is Sala-Ema - BULL Right, Obama. EMANON Sala- BULL Gotcha Ayatollah . Who will whine, whine, whine usual like a flaming pansy pussy boy about civil liberties and amendmen-shmamendments and all that retarded commie pinko nonsense. You are all now in the NO BULL ZONE. NARRATOR A Mighty Bull Roar is heard. ROAR! BULL First up--Islam. (Pause) What went wrong? Now I know not all Muslims are terrorists, no, no, no but all terrorists are Muslims! Don't you agree, Izod? IZOD Absolutely 100% I totally agree--   RUSHTODIE (Eagerly butts in) In complete agreement, Bull. What you said is spot on, in my book-- IZOD (Cutting him off) In my book-- "The Failure of Islam" - BULL Brilliant, by the way - CHAVEZ In my book-- Assimilate NOW! BULL Double brilliant! DOOCHAWITZ "Torture, it's what's for dinner, biiiitches!" BULL Touché! KAZUO Defending Internment! Yeah! BULL Double Touche! EMANON IRA, Tamil Tigers, Stern gang-- all examples of non - Muslim terrori -- BULL Strike one, Moussaoui . 3 strikes you're out . Wait your turn! (Rushtodie seethes at Izod. Izod returns it with smug smile plastered on her face.)   IZOD I achingly searched my soul as a lesbian, feminist, liberal, born again refusenik, non threatening, non practicing, aesthetically pleasing, Muslim South Asian, modernist, pro-woman woman to inquire why all the terrorists are Muslims-- BULL And are all Muslims terrorists? EMANON Whoa, easy there, how can you broadly generalize 1.4 billion Muslims in -- CHAVEZ Assimilate now! BULL THIS IS the no BULL zone, Khaddafi . Strike 2­ EMANON It's Sala-- BULL Enough, Sally. Let the lady speak. In our culture, we let women have a voice- IZOD Thank you Bull I apprec-- BULL (Puts hand quickly in front of her face and muffles her voice) And let me tell you, the No Bull Zone is a No broadly generalize zone, either. I've been to Africa, Ching Chong China, Wacky Paki Pakistan, Meck-ee-ko and heathen continents 3 times, all right, Siegfried and Roy? You just can't bring Western reasoning into all "their" cultures. The same way you can't bring it into fundamental Islam." CHAVEZ Assimilate NOW! IZOD (Sharp rebuke) Wait your goddamn turn, Chavez! BULL The No Bull Zone is also a NO blas-pher-mer-size zone! IZOD (Meekly and slavishly) Apologies for blas-pher-mer-sizing. BULL Goddamn right! RUSHTODIE (Whiny, girly voice making fun of his opponent) "Apologies for blasphermersizing." (Points at her and cackles) Hahahaha. IZOD (Slaps his finger down) Not all of us are lucky to ride a fatwah for the rest of our career? BULL Saucy! RUSHTODIE You're just jealous you haven't got one yet BULL Counter-Saucy! NARRATOR "Wa-toosh" makes a whip cracking noise and gesture with his hand cracking an Indy Jones whip. In the meantime, Rushtodie and IZOD have begun fighting with each other like little children. BULL Ah, Divide and Conquer. Exxxcellent. "Fortunately, there will never be Islamic unity" . I think it might be a good idea to convert all these heathens (Points to Izod and Rushtodie and Chavez and Emanon) to Christianity; it's a better hobby for them than slaughtering infidels, and cheering and dancing like homicidal maniacs. (Now directly facing the camera/audience.) Speaking of maniacs, this brings me to this week's so-called "scandals" and the pansy media "mania" complaining about warrantless spying and anti immigration and terrorism measures. Listen, I think the government should be spying on all A-rabs, Moslems, immigrants, Mexicans, Underage College Sorority girls, Game show hosts, big breasted women, Chinese restaurant waiters, Chia Pets, circus clowns, liberal college professors, (All actors slowly and suspiciously turn heads right and give a slow stare to the Professor narrators sitting stage right) black sports players, Black Stallions, Black Russians, White Russians-- heck-- All Russians (Looks directly in the camera now) 'cause you can never be too sure, and finally- big breasted women-- if you ask me. We should be engaging in torture as a televised spectator sport-- and dropping daisy cutters, Playboys, extra strength deodorants, shampoo and American flags wantonly through out the Middle East, and git-git-git Pinkos, winos, and protestors to the Gitmo G- Unit." But let me guess "boo hoo woo woo." (Looking at Emanon.) EMANON First, a state of war is not a blank check for the President and his administration to trample on a citizen's constitutional rights. DOOCHAWITZ I'll write a blank check to trample on you, citizen boy! EMANON (Looks utterly confused by the previous comment and composes himself) Second, 14 of the nation's top constitutional scholars agree that the NSA spying program appears on its face to violate existing law . It bypasses the fundamental requirement of needing probable cause for a search and seizure, and obtaining a warrant from the FISA court -- CHAVEZ Bullshit court! (Then quietly under his breath -) Assimilate now! BULL Ring Ring. Ring Ring. (Holds up a fake telephone to his ear.) (Emanon is perplexed. Just stares at Bull. Then left and right at confused guests. Looks forward at audience/camera.) EMANON Uh-- Idon't understand. What? I-- NARRATOR Flustered and impatient, Bull mimes the existence of a "phone" in front of Emanon and picks up the "imaginary" receiver. Emanon "gets it," and he hesitantly picks up the phone. BULL Ring Ring. Ring Ring. EMANON Oh, Ok, I get it. Strange. Um, Uh, Hello? BULL Salaams. Knock Knock. EMANON Salaams. Uh, (Concerned Pause) who's there? BULL Osama. EMANON Osama, (Takes a second or two) Who? BULL O-sama. IM GONNA BLOW UP YO' MOMMA! (Shouts into imaginary phone. Spit shower covers most of the guests. Bull is red in the face and he's steamed.) "What are we supposed to do if Osama bin Frikkin' laden calls the United States? If Osama calls America, should we listen in or worry about his civil liberties?" Can you nutheads please "stop stripping the Presidency of its Constitutional authority to defend America?" EMANON Defending America does not allow powerful men and women to make a mockery of the Constitution and existing laws. We have the FISA court­ CHAVEZ (Pretends to cough to muffle what he's about to say, very similar to what elementary school kids do) Bullshit court! Ahem. Cough. Cough. Assimilate now! BULL (Puts hand in front of Emanon's face and looks away disgusted. The other hand's index finger rapidly points to Doochawitz.) Dooch, drop knowledge like a hot SCUD missile on Saddam over here. DOOCHAWITZ As a respected civil libertarian, human rights advocate and esteemed law professor, I agree with recently appointed Assistant Attorney General John Yu Kazuo, a sterling Chinaman Jap of the highest order - BULL Out of order, Doochawitz!! EMANON You're out of order! IZOD I hold you in contempt! DOOCHAWITZ Objection, your Honor! RUSHTODIE Overruled! BULL Sustained! Chinaman Jap is NOT a socially acceptable legal term of art! KAZUO (Sheepishly offers his own opine) I, honestly, don't mind. I am, after all, a "Man of Peace." BULL The jury will disregard Dooch and Kazuo's previous comments. Strike that politically incorrect rhetoric from the record. (Looking at the camera) Dear Jury, follow these instructions instead. They (Points to Kazuo) prefer being called Jap or Jackie Chan (Kazuo acquiesces and nods his head)­ it's more economic and easier on the ears. God bless that John Yu Kazuo. What a brilliant and bold Jackie Chan! MANGEE A brilliant, bold, and brave Jackie Chan. RUSHTODIE A brilliant, bold, brave, intellectually erect Jackie Chan! DOOCHAWITZ A brilliant, bold, brave, intellectually erect and potent Jackie Chan! CHAVEZ Assimilat - ed. KAZUO Suc-cess-fully! EMANON How can you (Looks with disbelief to Kazuo) and you (Looks with anger at Bull) condone such blatant, shameless racism and prejudice on your show, BULL? BULL I am NOT racist and prejudiced, you traitorous Benedict Arnold! I love Japs! KAZUO (From the monitor) I feel your pain, brother. I feel your pain. BULL Thank you, Jackie Chan, thank you. Like I said I am NO racist! I love the Oriental Tulips, the Middle Eastern Sunflowers, The Darkie Daisies, The Jasmines from Disney's Aladdin, The Ebony Queens, Apu's wife from the Simpsons, and The Spicy Chiquita Bananas!! (There is an awkward silence and sheepish glances exchanged by all the members). Hell, my last girlfriend, before I was married of course, was an ASIAN CHICK! (High Fives Dooch and Rushtodieand even Izod) I am no oppressor! In fact, I'm the victim! I have been clinically diagnosed as suffering from-- (takes a pause and gasps) Yellow fever! KAZUO (Consolingly) Have no shame, brother. Have no shame. I, too, like you, once suffered from this same disease--this fever--this yellow fever. After my recent Amazon.com best selling book, my promotion to Assistant Attorney General, and newfound fame I, too, have finally nabbed me a Unicorn-- excuse me--I meant my SeaBiscuit, my Pegasus, I mean The Greatest Prize on Earth--ahem (Fake coughs and clears throat)--ahem- excuse me- (Clears throat) I meant my new Caucasian bride-- don't worry, don't worry, she's more Cauc than Asian. (Smiles). BULL Kim Jong, you're a life saver DOOCHAWITZ Motion to continue, your honor? BULL Motion granted. DOOCHAWITZ This brilliant, bold, brave, intellectually erect, potent, titular behemoth of a Jackie Chan said the FISA court does not apply during this war against loony terrorists who don't use deodorant and eat strange, multi-syllabic foods, because Congress doesn't have the authority to interfere in the President's wartime means and methods of engaging the enemy! KAZUO Those abo-litionists have abo-so-luteley no o-thority! EMANON Inside officials have said the administration knew their secret, illegal, surveillance program "could never meet that standard, that's why didn't go through" FISA courts in the first place! Following Kazuo's perverted logic - BULL Sexy Logic! EMANON Twisted logic! A wartime President can do anything he wants! This dangerous precedent, if not immediately remedied, can "lie around like a loaded gun, able to be used indefinitely for any future occupant!" BULL I wish I had a loaded gun right now! DOOCHWATIZ Oh, what a coinci-dink! I've got a gun right here. (Doochawitz, getting into the mime game, pulls out a fake gun from his coat.) KAZUO Let me load that gun right now. I am, after all a man of peace. NARRATOR Smiles and loads the "fake mimed" gun. Hands it over to Bull, who cocks the imaginary gun, points it at Emanon and fires. Emanon pretends he is shot in his chest and Gasps! He then blows "Dirty Harry-style" the smoke from the revolver. EMANON Is this secrecy and unilateral exercise of immense power necessary considering that fewer than "10 US citizens or residents a year, according to an authoritative account, have aroused enough suspicion during warrantless eavesdropping to justify interception of their purely domestic calls?" Why can't the news media, journalists, and politicians muster the backbone to challenge this belligerent profiling-- BULL Bumper Sticker for whiners. News magazines, journalists, Wireless phone taps, politicians, soldiers, torture, and unilateral wars don't kill people --- Muslims do! RUSHTODIE (Very quickly interjects almost if defending his life.) Not this secular, humanist, modernist, non-threatening, light skinned toned, non-practicing, Muslim American citizen, Bull! NARRATOR Points to his chest, more specifically he points to an American flag pinned on his left lapel. RUSHTODIE This token Muslim is tired, tired, tired of this "paranoid Darkie" that blames outsiders, infidels, heathens, politicians, news media, Hollywood, racial profiling, racism, oppressive foreign policy, Zionism, good hygiene, toothpaste, Girls Gone Wild and Brittany Spears for all their problems! EVERYONE except EMANON and IZOD Britney Spears! Grumblegrumblegrumblegrumblegrumblegrumble RUSTODIE All of these heathens like to play-- (A pause) EVERYONE The Blame Game! RUSHTODIE "Their only remedy is to close their Dark Age societies to the rival project" of a glorious enlightened modernity that is The West -- EVERYONE The West!!!! CHAVEZ (Highly excited like Austin Powers) The West is the best, baby, yeah, baby, yeah! (Sober, serious face) Assimilate now! RUSHTODIE These Muslims-- and immigrants and foreigners and Axis of Evil and generally anyone who disagrees with us, The West - CHAVEZ Yeah, baby, yeah! (Sobers up) Assimilate Now! RUSHTODIE They have a loathing of modern society in general; what with our music, godlessness, sex, big breasted women, and Girls gone wild dvd's 2 for $9.99! Specifically, they loathe and fear the prospect their Darkie societies could be taken over by the liberal Western style way of life -- CHAVEZ The only style of life, yeah baby yeah! Assimilate now. RUSHTODIE They all fear (Takes a deep dramatic flamboyant shocking breath then exhales). West-oxi-cation! (The entire guests' panel, even Emanon, dramatically gasps in unison and raise their eyebrows in shock!) IZOD (Very nervous and panicked, quickly interjects a defensive, protective measure by saying -) Not me! Not me! I love the West. I'm currently intoxicated by my Westoxication! BULL Prove you're America-holic, Missy-Mister-whatever. IZOD (Eagerly like a rookie coming off the bench.) I can prove it, master! I mean, Bull! You see, Bull, "only within Islam today is literalism the mainstream. And this is dangerous" because most of us, even well educated professionals, and even sadly me sometimes due to the Islamo-fascist, patriarchal, eastern, ethnic, oppressive misogynist, die darkie, darkie darkman die virus genetically infecting my ovaries and womanhood from birth "have no clue how to debate, dissent, revise, or reform" because we 1.2 billion have not been introduced to virtues of critical thinking." BULL (Very sarcastically and mocking tone) Islam-- it even infects your ovaries. A Middle Eastern kryptonite! Explains why the Muslim womb is a warehouse of future suicide bombers! EMANON Rumi the best selling poet in America today-- Muslimlived 700 years ago! Ibn Sina wrote the celebrated Canon of Medicine, the medical bible of "the West" for over 500 years-- Muslim - IZOD (Completely ignoring the valid points Emanon just made.) Terrorist martyrs. Suicide bombers! They are the rock stars of the Muslim world!" The Madonna's of Palestine, the Elvis's of Baghdad, the Liberace's of Libya! The only thing they're all missing is a Nike contract and Wheaties commercial! RUSHTODIE More like a Hummus commercial. Ahahahahahha. BULL Nice one, fruit cake. (Looks to Izod) Congratulations, sir, you've passed the test CHAVEZ Assimilationcompleted! Yeah! BULL Darkie, tell me about your people. Yo quero Citizenship? CHAVEZ Like the Moslemites, the Mexican threat is a grave peril to our "porous borders" that provide sanctuary and safe haven to illegal aliens and terrorists. Granted, "the overwhelming majority of illegal alienshave no connection to terrorism," regardless, "our continued high tolerance for massive illegal immigration gives terrorists deadly cover." Like the incessant hyper fornicating turban headed Moslem terrorist immigrants with their incessant magic carpet Islamecegination, the Mexican illegals are "strengthened demographically both by natural reproduction", as evidenced by their incessant, Telemundo Mexifornicating, "and by immigration, which reinforces their stubborn ethnic, burrito segregation - their domineering enchilada nature" if you will. This is their taco world in all its guacamole "aberrations." I agree with Alfredo Gonzalvez, the good Italian Mexican American son of Italian Mexican immigrants that he is, and John Yu Kazuo, a sterling Chinaman-Jap BULL Jackie Chan Jap! CHAVEZ Sorry! A Jackie Chan Jap of the highest order, that a "virtual barrier" needs to be erected to cover "every mile of our 2,000 mile long border with Mexico." Assimilate now and forever! IZOD I don't want to live in Mexifornia! (Starts sobbing) DOOCH Then Stop Mexifornicating and Islamiceginating! RUSHTODIE Say Noto Mexifornication! If you must, use protection! Choose Caucasionor- KAZUO Asian! The only protection against Mexifornication! CHAVEZ Damnation! BULL Invasion! Soldiers to Battle Station! DOOCH Salvation! IZOD Emancipation!! RUSHTODIE Intoxication!! CHAVEZ Assimilation! EMANON Frustration! You are misleading the public. "Terrorism was not an issue in this." This was and is an "immigration issue." BULL Strike 3, you're outta the ball game, Noriega! 3 up and 3 down. End of an inning. KAZUO I think he's "ticking." BULL "Ticking?" DOOCH "Ticking like a Time Bomb!!!" NARRATOR The entire guest panel erupts in pandemonium for about 25 seconds of rehearsed chaotic choreography of mass hysterical, hyperbolic panic. Chavez is standing while Kazuo slaps his head like a rhythmic, island, Congo drum and humming "Man of Peace a' Man of Peace a' Man of Peace"-- KAZUO Man of Peace a' Man of Peace a' Man of Peace a' Man of Peace-- NARRATOR Rushtodie is HIDING in the corner whimpering like a frightened schoolgirl - "I don't want to die. I don't want to die." RUSHTODIE "I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. NARRATOR Izod becomes enraged like a South Asian feminist Hulk and can't help but compulsively shout "Die Darkman Die," "Die Darkman Die"!!! Doochawitz keeps obsessively repeating Ticking Timebomb Ticking Timebomb Ticking Timebomb like Dustin Hoffman from Rainman.   DOOCH TickingTimebombTickingTimebombTicking TimebombTickingTimebomb TickingTimebombTickingTimebomb - NARRATOR - and out of nowhere, Bull pulls a double barrel sawed off shotgun from under his desk and points it at Emanon.   BULL All right, Al-Qaeda. It's the showdown at the OK Corral and you're definitely NOT O.K., so it's time for you to show and go down. Hand over the bomb, McVeigh. DOOCHAWIZ TickingTimebombTickingTimebombTickingTimebomb. EMANON (Very slowly as if being surrounded by LAPD cops.) It's only a Timex watch. BULL I bet it tells Terror Time. EMANON Pacific Standard. NARRATOR Everyone automatically regains their composure and goes back to their seats as if nothing had happened. The change in tone and direction is swift and jarring. Very nonchalant and "oh, well, we were wrong, let's get back to work immediately" type mentality. BULL Oh, well, we were wrong, let's get back to work immediately. DOOCHAWITZ And this perfectly illustrates my thesis detailed in my book-- "Torture, it's what's for Dinner, Biiiitches!" on why we need to immediately legalize and implement torture with "torture warrants" ! As to protect ourselves from a potential ticking terrorist immigrant who puts us in a position where we have to defend our civilians. KAZUO And that is the highest calling of democracy - to defend its civilians against guilty murderers that are out trying to kill ourchildren." (Points to Emanon as he says all of this.) As long as we can torture in a way "in which we can be proud and hold our heads up and say, yes, we did this," then it's acceptable. DOOCH Mind you, "torture is bad"--bad, bad! However "some things are worse" worse, worse! "And under certain circumstances," such as illegal alien terrorists invading our land, impregnating our women, not using deodorant, eating our grandchildren with hummus and falafels, and canceling Girls gone wild, "it may be the lesser of two evils. Because some evils are pretty evil." And torture is evil. But aliens are super evil. So we must de-evil the lesser evil of torture by leveraging its evil against the superior super evil of aliens who use ultra evil methods to engage in ludicrous amounts of ridiculous terrorist evil!!!! EMANON (Sarcastically) Even though torture is a federal crime under the U.S. War Crimes Act of 1996 and a grave breach of the Geneva Conventions? NARRATOR Bull gives a nod. Izod and Rushtodie put Emanon into a sleeper and he quietly faints and slithers away in his chair. BULL Doochawitz, I'd kiss you on that beautiful mouth of yours that is able to produce such pretty, eloquent words, but unfortunately that would be very, very gay, so I won't. We'll return with the NO BULL exclusive-- an Al Qaeda Sleeper cell in a sunny California townheaded by a 16 yr old, female mastermind no less? Osama's new baby momma to be driving a SUV in your valley? The truth after this commercial break. And remember America-- EVERYONE Torture, it's whats for dinner. BITCHES!   Wajahat Ali is Pakistani Muslim American who is neither a terrorist nor a saint. He is a playwright, essayist, humorist, and recent J.D. whose work, "The Domestic Crusaders," is the first major play about Muslim Pakistani Americans living in a post 9-11 America. His blog is at http://goatmilk.wordpress.com/. He can be reached at wajahatmali@gmail.com

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