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Today's
Stories
January 1,
2008
Iain A. Boal
City
of Disappearances
December 31,
2007
Alexander Cockburn
Goodbye
2007 and Good Riddance!
Tariq Ali
Pakistan, the Aftermath
Liaquat Ali Khan
The Perfidy of Pakistan's Rulers
Wajahat Ali
After Bhutto, a Nuclear Pakistan?
Robert Fisk
Who Killed Bhutto?
Ajai Sahni
Myths and Realities About Benazir Bhutto and Pakistan's Dark
Future
Marwan Bishara
You Say Talk, I Say Attack: The Middle East and the US Presidential
Election Campaigns
Uri Avnery
The Beilin Syndrome
Mark T. Harris
Does This Happen in Canada?
Brenda Norrell
Resistance and Censorship
Website of the Day
A People United Will Never Be Defeated
December 29
/ 30, 2007
Alexander Cockburn
Options
in America: Kill Yourself or Have a Baby
Tariq Ali
Indignation and Fear Stalk Pakistan
Fawzia Afzal-Khan
My Encounter with Benazir Bhutto
Gary Leupp
The U.S. and Pakistan After 9/11: Blowback from an Unholy Alliance
China Hand
Pakistan Stares Into the Abyss
Jacob Hornberger
Stop Medddling in Pakistan
John Chuckman
Pakistan and the Failure of Quick-Fix Politics
Missy Beattie
Evaluating Bush with the Bhutto Corruption Standard
Ralph Nader
Who Will Take the Next Step?
Fidel Castro
There Hasn't Been a Day in My Life When I Haven't Learned Something
Robert Fantina
The Sham of Homeland Security
Greg Moses
Beauty from the Heart of Texas
Catherine Lutz
What We Can Not See: Art and Bombing
Kristin Van
Tassel
Seeing in the Dark
Kim Nicolini
Redacted: Brian DePalma's Scream of Outrage
Phyllis Pollack
Keith Richards Runs With Rudolph Once More
Poets' Basement
Landau, Gibbons and Davies
Website of
the Weekend
Driving Karachi in Search of the Perfect Naan
December 28,
2007
Farzana Versey
The
Complex Electra
Wajahat Ali
A
Pakistani Requiem
Binoy Kampmark
Death in Rawalpindi: Bhutto and Her Legacy
Ayesha Ijaz
Khan
Not Dead Yet: The Pakistan People's Party Still Survives
Anthony DiMaggio
Turkey's Bombing of Iraq
Ray McGovern
Creeping
Fascism
Jim Goodman
Biofuels, the Biggest Scam Going
Ron Jacobs
Transcending the Colonizer's History: Iran, a People Interrupted
Russell Hoffman
Mini-Nukes by Toshiba
John Murphy
Greens Gone Wild
Website of the Day
Guiliani Campaign Official: "Only Rudy Can Defeat the Muslims"
December 27,
2007
Dilip Hiro
A
Tragedy Foretold: Will Bhutto's Death be a Boost for Her Party?
Murtaza Shibli
Who Killed Bhutto?
Stephen Soldz
Fallujah,
the Information War and U.S. Propaganda
Bill Quigley
Locked
Outside the Gates
Paul Craig Roberts
The Great American Lock-Up
Omer Subhani
Killing Bhutto: What Happens Next in Pakistan?
Marjorie Cohn
The Torture Tape Cover-Up: How High Does It Go?
Allan Nairn
Cataclysm By Money Whim
Jacob G. Hornberger
Smearing Ron Paul: Shame on the NYT
Norman Solomon
Channeling Suze Orman
Patrick Irelan
Rumsfeld Spills the Ink
Ben Tripp
Pass the Razor Blades
Website of the Day
Quagmire, For What It's Worth
December 26, 2007
Charles Tripp
From
One Saddam to Fifty
Paul Armentano
No-Knock, You're Dead
Rannie Amiri
Lebanon in Search of a Government
Stanley Heller
Brzezinski and Charlie Wilson's War
John Walsh
Two Unreasonable Men
Martha Rosenberg
The Strange Career of Scott Gottlieb
Norman Madarasz
Bolivia Amends New Constitution and Faces Mutiny from Within
Website of
the Day
Cockburn at the Battle of Ideas
December 25,
2007
Patrick Cockburn
Conscience
and Empire
December 24,
2007
Andrea Peacock
A
Dark Ride on the Border
Tariq Ali
Thinking of Edward Said
Uri Avnery
Help! A Ceasefire!
Jill Jameson
Burma is Not Back to Normal: A Trip from Rangoon to Mae Sot
Steve Melendez
Russell Means Goes to Washington
Mike Whitney
The Big Fix
Chuck Munson
Not Getting It About New Orleans
John Walsh
Clueless Crusaders
Farzana Versey
Tony Blair and the Hawking of Religion
Richard Neville
Dreaming of a White House Christmas
Website of the Day
Back in the USSR
December 22 / 23, 2007
Alexander Cockburn
Mike
Huckabee's Ascending Chariot
Ralph Nader
Politics
and Profits: How the Oil Cartel Gets Its Way
Andy Worthington
Intelligence Failures, Battlefield Myths and Unaccountable Prisons
in Afghanistan
Ahmad Faruqui
The Comedian of Pakistan
Bill Moyers
Society on Steroids
Rev. William
E. Alberts
Blessed are the Peacemakers
Timothy J. Freeman
From Kant to Lennon: Can War Really be Over?
Anthony DiMaggio
Democrats Continue to Capitulate on Iraq
Fred Gardner
Molecule of the Year, Cannabiodiol
Paul Krassner
Enhanced Hazing Techniques
Seth Sandronsky
17 Years of Meanness: Repealing California's Three Strikes Law
William Loren
Katz
Christmas Eve Freedom Fighters: Recalling the Battle of Lake
Okeechobee
Michael Dickinson
In the Dungeon of the Zabita
Ron Jacobs
Why Leon Russell Still Matters
David Vest
Doyle Bramhall's "Is It News?"
Poets' Basement
Orloski, Davies and Ford
Website of the Weekend
George W. Hates Santa
December 21,
2007
John Ross
New Massacres Loom in Mexico
Jacob Hornberger
Nothing Can Morally Justify the Invasion of Iraq
Dick J. Reavis
A
Way Out of the Newspaper Abyss
Jeff Cohen
and Norman Solomon
The 2007 P.U.-litzer Prizes
Peter Morici
Business as Usual as Recession Looms
Jack McCarthy
Let Us Now Praise Judith Regan (Even If She Did Sleep with Bernie
Kerik)
Raúl Zibechi
Sex and Revolution
Steve Early
How the Presidential Candidates Made Me an Atheist
David Macaray
Union Aftermath
Patrick Bond
Zuma, the Center-Left and the Left-Left in S. Africa
Lakota Freedom Delegation
A Declaration of Independence from the USA
Website of
the Day
Solomon v. Beck: Tale of the Tape
December 20,
2007
David Rosen
Mitt
Romney's Secret Life as a Pornographer
Alan Farago
The
Huckster and the Wreckage: Jeb Bush and the Subprime Mortgage
Crisis
Laura Carlsen
Standing Up to NAFTA
Ashley Dawson
The Return of the Bread Riot
Wayne Smith
and Jennifer Schuett
Cuba Changes, US Policy Stagnates
Website of
the Day
How to Talk to a FoxNews Reporter
December 19,
2007
Saul Landau
Is
the NIE Bush's Watergate?
Paul W. Lovinger
Hillary the Hawk
Norman Solomon
The Mad Corporate World of Glenn Beck
Dave Zirin
George Mitchell's Drugs of Choice
Marjorie Cohn
Bush Still Spinning Iranian Nukes
Sen. Russell
Feingold
The Iraq War is Exhausting Our Nation
Sonja Karkar
A Christmas Reflection on Palestine
Anthony Papa
Open the Drug Gulags
Christopher Ketcham
Pave the Holy Lands with Good Intentions
Davey D
Britney's Little Sister is Pregnant: Should We Blame Hip Hop?
Website of
the Day
When Republicans Use the F-Word on TV
December 18,
2007
R. F. Blader
The
Politics of Teen Pregnancy
George Wuerthner
Gunning for Wolves in Idaho
Steven Higgs
Can the NAFTA Superhighway be Stopped?
Vijay Prashad
Encounters with Ghadar
David Macaray
The Free Rider Problem
Ralph Nader
Nine Books That Make a Difference: a Reading List for the Holidays
Eva Liddell
Privatizing War Abroad, Invading Privacy at Home
Martha Rosenberg
While the Bodies are Still Warm: Drugs, Shrinks and Shooters
Dave Lindorff
When Impeachment is Out of Print
Peter Morici
The Consequences the Trade Deficit
Website of
the Day
Ron Paul: How Fascism Will Come to America
December 17,
2007
Mike Whitney
Staring
Into the Abyss
Tom Barry
Planning
the War on Immigrants
Uri Avnery
A
Gaza Masada?
Greg Moses
Crossing the Line in Texas
Allan Nairn
Terrorism; Counter-
Terrorism: Excuses for Murder
Patrick Bond
South Africa's Fight Between Hostile Brothers
Stephen Lendman
Police State America
Charles Jonkel
Grizzly Right of Way
Laray Polk
An Inside-Out Crisis in Gaza
Stephen Fleischman
Pawns in Their Game
December 15
/ 16, 2007
Peter Linebaugh
A
People's Penny for the Magna Carta
Howard Zinn
Bomb After Bomb
Standard Schaefer
The Greening of Big Tobacco
Raymond J.
Lawrence
Let's Take Christ Out of Christmas
Alan Farago
Down on Desolation Row: the Vultures and the Growth Machine
Saul Landau
Lord Byron and the Bad Tourists
Jenna Orkin
Lying to "Reassure" the Public: Bush's EPA and the
Post-9/11 Toxic Air Cover-Up
Ahmad Samih
Khalidi
Why a Palestinian "State" is a Punitive Construct
Robert Fantina
Politics By Photo-Op
Missy Comley
Beattie
Resistance Amid the Ruins
Ramzy Baroud
Of Mormons and Muslims
James L. Secor
A Vision for China's Future
Elijah Wald
Ike Turner's Music Won't be Forgotten
Website of
the Weekend
The Alliance for the Wild Rockies Needs (and Deserves) Your Support
December 14,
2007
JoAnn Wypijewski
The
Dirty Cad: What Giuliani's Sex Life Tells Us About Him
John Ross
Iraqi
Refugees Return: One Cruel Hoax
Jacob Hornberger
Terror Suspects Belong in Federal Court
Andy Worthington
Guantánamo and the Supreme Court: What Happened?
Allan Nairn
"Shoot Them on the Spot": Rewarding War Crimes
Dave Zirin
The Mitchell Report: Absolving the Owners
Dave Lindorff
The First Cut is the Deepest
Misty MacDuffee
Toxic Grizzlies
Ben Terrall
What Happened to Lovinsky Pierre-Antoine?
Dr. Mustafa
Barghouthi
Prerequisites for Peace
Website of the Day
Sen. Kit Bond: "Waterboarding is Like Swimming"
December 13,
2007
Paul Craig
Roberts
Shrinking
the Dollar from the Inside-Out
Mike Whitney
Dershowitz for the Defense--of Waterboarding
Ron Jacobs
Blank Check DemocratsL the Great War Funding Conspiracy
Norman Solomon
The USA's Human Rights Daze
Peter Morici
The Dragon and the Toothless Dog: China Doesn't Flinch
Sandy Mayes
Blocking the Strykers: 13 Days of War Resistance at Port Olympia
Franklin Lamb
The UN in Lebanon: Whose Mission Is It Fulfilling?
Jacob Hornberger
Don't Reform the CIA, Abolish It
Nadim Rouhana
An Interloper in My Own Land
Dave Zirin
On Pigskin and Petrol
Website of the Day
Rachel's Needs (and Deserves) Your Support!
December 12, 2007
Allan
Nairn
US Intelligence is Tapping Indonesian
Phones
Alan
Farago
How Sprawl Eats Its Young
Ray
McGovern
Torture, Lies and Videotape
Winslow
T. Wheeler
The Phony Pentagon Budget Cuts
Evan
Jones
The Raid on Great Western: Why an Australian Bank Might Spell
Doom for the US Farm Belt
James
Petras
An Open Letter to Sarkozy on the Exchange of Political Prisonsers
Joel
Hirschorn
The Horserace Fiction: Clinton, Obama and the Democratic Machine
Joshua
Frank
Why Ron Paul Deserves Our Attention
Sherry
Wolf
Why the Left Should Reject Ron Paul
Dan
Bacher
Survey of a Fish Graveyard
Website
of the Day
Men Eating Bugs
December
11, 2007
Patrick
Cockburn
What's Really Happened During
the Surge?
Diana
Johnstone
The Next Kosovo War
Paul
Craig Roberts
It's Waco All Over Again: Preventive Detention and the Constitution
David
Macaray
Impasse in Hollywood
Ralph
Nader
Gail Collins Versus the Underdogs
Andy
Worthington
Guantánamo Britons to be Released: a Mixed Result
Martha
Rosenberg
No Holiday for High Risk Sex Workers
Steve
Champion /
Anthony Ross
Words for Our Brother, Tookie Williams
Kim
Nicolini
Tangled Up in Dylan
Michael
Dickinson
Say Goodbye to Purgatory: Pope Rat Gets Indulgent
Website
of the Day
A Charming (and Worthy)
Pitch
December 10, 2007
Uri
Avnery
How They Stole the Bomb From Us
Debbie
Nathan
The Perils of Journalism and Child
Porn
JoAnn
Wypijewski
Is There a Left Here Left?
If So, What Can It Do?
Steve
Kelly
Cheap Chips, Counterfeit Wilderness
Donna
J. Volatile
Welcome to the Revolution
December
8 / 9, 2007
Alexander
Cockburn
The Coup Against Bush and Cheney
Brenda
Norrell
Seize the Land, Chain the Peace Activists
Saul
Landau
The Ruins of Empire
R.
F. Blader
A Rape in Every Drink?
Ray
McGovern
Spinning Iran's Centrifuges
Allan
Nairn
Imposed Hunger in Gaza, the Army in
Indonesia
Linn
Washington, Jr
Spotlight on Death Row
Paul
Craig Roberts
When Will Bush Come Clean?
December
7, 2007
Sean
Penn
Piano Wire Puppeteers
Arthur
Versluis
Mining Water in the Desert
M.
G. Piety
Racism and the American Psyche: Some
Thoughts on Race and Intelligence
Pam
Martens
Banksters Gone Wild
Alan
Farago
Will the Free Market Kill Suburbia?
Sprawl and the Credit Crisis
Allan
Nairn
It Takes (Out) a Village
Col.
Dan Smith
Bush, Iran and the Politics of Doomsday
Alice
Slater
The Iran Opening
Robert
Weissman
The Story of Stuff
Website
of the Day
Something
About Mitt
December
5, 2007
Mike
Whitney
Why the CFR Hates Putin
Sharon
Smith
The Anti-War Enablers: Tom Hayden
and the Dead End Democrats
James
Petras
Venezuela in the Aftermath
Ron
Jacobs
The Iran Charade
Dave
Zirin
Kicking a Dead Man: the Sliming of Sean Taylor
John
V. Whitbeck
Two States or One? Time to Choose
Peter
Zinn
Covered in New Orleans
Niranjan
Ramakrishnan
Impeach Pelosi Instead
Alan
Farago
The Credit Bomb Detonates in Florida
Heather
Gray
US Meddling in Australian Politics
Website
of the Day
A Donner Summit Night Before Xmas
December
4, 2007
Alexander
Cockburn
Jackboot State Stubs Its Toe in
Ann Arbor
Andy
Worthington
Guantánamo and the Supreme
Court
Paul
Craig Roberts
The Lies at the End of the American
Dream
Ray
McGovern
No-Nuke Iran
Winslow
T. Wheeler
Admiral Mullen and the Defense Budget: When White Elephants are
Too Small
Allan
Nairn
The Regime Still Stands in Burma, Where "the People Just
Want Food"
Russell
Mokhiber
The USA v. Al Arian
Nikolas
Kozloff
As Chávez Falters: Raising the Stakes for the South American
Left
John
V. Walsh
Peace Movement Paralyzed
Ghada
Ageel
Will Peace Cost Me My Home?
Stephen
Soldz
The Facts be Damned!: Psychologists' President Defends Psychologist
Involvement in Interrogations
Website
of the Day
Hands Off the People of Iran
December
3, 2007
Tariq
Ali
Venezuela After the Referendum
Bill
Quigley
New Orleans: Bulldozers for the Poor,
Tax Credits for Developers
Eric
Walberg
The Bible and Middle East History
Uri
Avnery
After Annapolis
Marjorie
Cohn
Operation Iraqi Freedom Exposed
Dave
Lindorff
Vengeance Isn't Sweet
Stephen
Fleischman
Homeless in Paradise
Martha
Rosenberg
Perp Walks for the Mink Clad on Chicago's Mag Mile
Website
of the Day
So Just Lead!
December
1 / 2, 2007
Alexander
Cockburn
Emblems of the Bush Age: Adrift
in a Sea of Booze
Jeffrey
St. Clair
The Bear Minimum: the Grizzly and
the Future of the Rocky Mountain West
Mike
Whitney
"Iraq Doesn't Exist Anymore": an Interview with Nir
Rosen
Shemon
Salam
A Visit From the FBI
Roger
Burbach
The Battle in Bolivia
Benjamin
Dangl
New Politics in Old Bolivia
Brian
M. Downing
The Quiet on the Middle Eastern Front: How Much Credit Goes to
the Surge?
Greg
Moses
Night of the Living Redneck: a Texas Horror Story
Sonja
Karkar
The "Never-Never" Peace Conference
Saul
Landau
Ethics and Evil in South Boston
Margaret
Kimberley
Black America Left Behind
John
Ross
What are the Prospects for a New Mexican Revolution?
Reza
Fiyouzat
Exit on the Left: When Che's Children Visited Iran
Judith
Scherr
Berkeley Turns Right for the Holidays
Lance
Olsen
Of Forests and Finance: Logging for the Wealthy
Christopher
Brauchli
Mr. Bush and the Despots
Robert
Fantina
Iraq as U.S. Colony
Dan
Bacher
Fish Triage on Prospect Island
Michael
Donnelly
Remembering How to be Human: John Trudell and the Music of Urgency
Website
of the Weekend
Appalachian Voices
November
30, 2007
Peter
Stone Brown
The Re-Packaging of Bob Dylan
Wajahat
Ali
The Volatile Mistress: an Interview with Javed Jabbar, Pakistan's
Former Minister of Information
Allan
Nairn
Cold-Blooded Celebrity: Thomas L. Friedman and the Bali Bombers
Alan
Farago
The Sorrows of Suburbia: Politics, Sprawl and the Housing Crash
John
Ross
The Death of Latin America's First Revolution
Corporate
Crime Reporter
America's Corporate Crime Capitals
Lucia
Alvarez
Diego Gonzalez
Argentina's Political Future
James
Rothenberg
The Iraqi Miracle
Website
of the Day
Bio-Bling?
November
29, 2007
R.
F. Blader
The Most Dangerous Kind of Bribe
Ismael
Hossein-Zadeh
Distorting Fascism to Demonize Iran
Stephen
Soldz
War on the Couch: Fear, Aggression and Empire
Sheldon
Richman
Iraq 3.0
George
Wuerthner
Forest Fires, Lies and Chainsaws
Felice
Pace
Did All Things Considered Self-Censor on Annapolis?
Col.
Dan Smith
The Meaning of Annapolis
Harvey
Wasserman
Terror Target Nukes
Nikolas
Kozloff
Primetime Hate Debate: Lou Dobbs, Immigration and Campaign '08
Paul
Krassner
Huffington Post Bloggers Go On Strike!
Dave
Lindorff
News Not Fit to Print: US Coup Planned for Venezuela?
CP
News Service
The One State Declaration
Website
of the Day
A Native View of Yellowstone Bison Slaughter
November
28, 2007
James
Petras
CIA Destabilization Memo Surfaces
on Venezuela
Jeff
Halper
Annapolis: When the Roadmap is a One
Way Street
Pam
Martens
Crashing Citigroup
Peter
Morici
Economy in Crisis: Avoiding a Recession
Mohammed
Khatib
Separate and Unequal in Palestine
Helen
Redmond
The Horror and the Hope: Health Care in America
William
S. Lind
In the Fox's Lair: Quiet Before a New Iraq Storm?
Ben
Tripp
We, the People: a Trope for All Seasons
Liaquat
Ali Khan
Pakistan: First, Restore the Constitution and Reinstate the Judges
Jeff
Berg
Holbrooke Says Bush Won't Attack Iran
Website
of the Day
The Lies of Joe Klein
November
27, 2007
Joe
DeRaymond
On the Road to the Torture School
Paul
Craig Roberts
Meet the Only Two Candidates Worse Than Bush and Cheney: Hillary
and Rudy
Marjorie
Cohn
Remembering Victor Rabinowitz
Mike
Whitney
A Dollar the Size of a Postage Stamp
Ron
Jacobs
The Myths of Military Progress
Col.
Dan Smith
The Pentagon's "People System" Still Doesn't Work
Ralph
Nader
Family Learning
Karim
Makdisi
Annapolis and the Unholy Alliance: the View from Beirut
Christopher
Ketcham
Memo to Hollywood Writers: Strike Until You Drop
Ronan
Bennett
Martin Amis Does a Coulter
Website
of the Day
Celebrating the Uncensored Media
November
26, 2007
Kathleen
and Bill Christison
Heading for Annapolis
Paul
Craig Roberts
The End of All That
David
Macaray
Enter Mediator
Sameer
Dossani
Pakistan's Wounded Dictator
Roger
Burbach
The Final Battle in Bolivia
Mark
Scaramella
Guns and Greed in the Emerald Empire
Brian
McKinlay
Howard's End
Rick
Kuhn
The Fall of a Racist Union Buster
Binoy
Kampmark
Ruddslide and Dull Alec
Monica
Benderman
What Do You Know of War?
Brenda
Norrell
Return to Alcatraz
Website
of the Day
Ghostworld by DJ Spooky
November
24 / 25, 2007
Alexander
Cockburn
The Ordeal of Catherine Wilkerson,
MD
Robert
Fisk
Darkness Falls on the Middle East
Saul
Landau
Norman Mailer will Not R.I.P.
Jeffrey
St. Clair
Justice Stephen Breyer, Cancer Bonds and the Origins of Neoliberal
Environmentalism
Rannie
Amiri
Beirut's Black Friday
Christopher
Brauchli
Iraq Embassy as Gilded Palace
Daniel
Gross
The Gap and Black Friday
Mike
Whitney
"A Generalized Meltdown of Financial Institutions"
Marjorie
Cohn
Iran and the 2008 Elections
David
Rosen
Senior Sex: the Real Sexual Life of Aging Americans
David
Michael Green
If Conservatism is the Ideology of Freedom ....
Kenneth
Rexroth
When Euripides Played the Hindu Kush: Greeks and Buddhists in
Afghanistan
Muhammad
Iqbal
Trans. Shahid Alam
Ghazal
Website
of the Day
Aerial Footage of Delta Fish Kill
November 23, 2007
Gary
Leupp
Killing the Buddha in Pakistan's Swat
Valley
Laura
Carlsen
Coming to Terms with Diversity in
Bolivia: an Interview with Alvaro Garcia, Bolivia's VP
David
Macaray
Keeping Labor Unions Out
Andy
Worthington
Former Guantánamo Detainee Seeks Asylum in Sweden
Clifton
Ross
Trashing Chavez: Keith Olberman's Toxic Rant
Seth
Sandronsky
Battling Sodexho
Dan
Bacher
Death in the Delta: Thousands of Fish Stranded by Bureau of Reclamation
William
A. Cook
The Myth of Middle East Peace
Website
of the Day
Waiting for the Guards: Stress Techniques as Torture, a Short
Film
November
22, 2007
Alan
Farago
Who Lost America's Everglades?
Greg
Moses
A Thanksgiving Basting
Dave
Lindorff
Impeachment is Back on the Table
Mike
Ely
Native Blood: the Myth pf Thanksgiving
Omar
Azfar
Gore for President of Pakistan?
November
21, 2007
Vijay
Prashad
Our Dictator, Their Democracy
Martha
Rosenberg
Undercover at a Turkey Slaughtering Plant
Manuel
Garcia, Jr.
Epiphany on the Glacier
John
Ross
The Last Days of Mexican Corn
Brian
McKenna
Cancer Terrorists Unmasked
Stephen
Soldz
Isolation Torture Routine at Guatánamo
Monica
Benderman
Needing Peace
Ben
Terrall
Slavery in the Fields: The Real Price of Sugar
Website
of the Day
Mercy for Animals
|
New
Year's Day Edition
January 1, 2008
A Preview of 2008
A
Year to Forget
By JOHN ROSS
A death sentence for the human race,
the end of the Iraq war, a Mafia hit on President-elect Rudolph
Giuliani, the assassination of Barak Obama by a deranged Hillary
fanatic, a cross-border terrorist attack by Al Qaeda of Mexico,
and the massive round-up of Mexicans in the U.S. were some of
the highlights that made 2008 one of the most absurdly messy
years for the Planet Earth since that orb fell out of the firmament.
Here's a month-by-month round-up of salient events:
JANUARY
The flood of hundreds of thousands
of Iraqi refugees tricked into returning to Baghdad by housing
czar Ahmad Chalabi's false promises of shelter sparks renewed
Sunna-Shiia bloodshed. In response to a series of horrific car
bombings, George Bush calls a halt to the projected U.S. drawdown,
angering both troops and Republican hopefuls seeking to de-escalate
the unpopular war as a campaign issue.
Meanwhile Iraqi Prime Minister
Nuri Kamal al-Maliki, whose regime has been plagued by monumental
corruption, takes sick and falls into prolonged coma. Chalabi
makes a grab for control setting off a wave of car bombings in
Baghdad that cost over 400 lives.
In further evidence that global
warming is accelerating beyond scientific calculations, a colony
of penguins is discovered nesting on a tributary of the Amazon.
FEBRUARY
Al-Maliki dies, apparently
poisoned by weapons-grade plutonium pellets. The U.S. blames
Iran and threatens to bomb Tehran's non-existent nuclear weapons
facilities but holds off at the last minute as Shiias all over
the Middle East rise up - some of Saudi's richest fields are
in the midst of Shiia populations. Petroleum prices zoom to
$150 a barrel as the threat to Saudi production looms. 
Venezuela's Chavez, reacting
to Washington's threats to attack his ally Ahmadinejad, cuts
off oil shipments to the U.S. and signs contracts with China.
By the end of the month a barrel of petroleum cost $200.
In a gristly incident at the
Bronx Zoo, polar bears eat a dozen of their keepers in what may
have been a global warming-related event.
MARCH
Ahmad Chalabi is "elected"
Iraqi prime minister replacing the poisoned Maliki. Sunna and
Shiia mobs riot in Iraqi cities to protest the convicted embezzler's
power grab.
Responding to the renewed instability,
Bush extends tours of duty for thousands of U.S. troops who had
expected to be rotated home at the end of the month. The order
triggers an unprecedented strike by disgruntled soldiers effectively
shutting down General Petraeus's war for a week. Bush, whose
popularity has slipped to 12%, threatens to charge the strikers
with treason. Blackwater Worldwide is sent in to scab.
Meanwhile on the domestic front,
Obama/Edwards pull ahead of Hillary and Bill Clinton in the battle
for the Democratic nomination after her liaison with a boy toy
senate page is revealed. On the Republican side, all signs point
to a Giuliani-Tancredo ticket as the Coloradoan's inflammatory
anti-Mexican rants find scratch with the U.S. electorate -Tancredo
had bowed out of the race in December in favor of Romney but
jumped back in when he found out Mitt was a Mexican (you could
look it up.) If the current trend holds up, the Giuliani-Tancredo
pairing will be the first-ever all-Italian ticket outside of
the old country.
As Antarctic glaciers melt
and the southern Pacific Ocean rises at a record clip, the island
of Tasmania disappears. Australian coastal cities are reported
under water with residents taking refuge in skyscrapers. Sydney
declares itself the "Venice of Australia."
APRIL
In Iraq, a record month of
U.S. casualties - 239 - sends morale plummeting. The U.S. blames
Iran and once again threatens to flatten its fictitious nuclear
weapons facilities and, once again, does not.
Back in the U.S., conservative
estimates indicate that over a million Americans went homeless
over the past winter in fall-out from the sub prime crisis, most
of them renters evicted when their landlords defaulted - rents
have tripled across the country as the result of the crisis.
Led by Katrina survivors, thousands of homeless citizens set
up a "Hooverville" on the Capital Mall. Police are
unable - or unwilling - to remove the largely black squatters.
On the other side of the country
in California, pods of gray whales beach themselves in a mass
suicide thought to be tied to global warming. In a related scandal,
clean-up officials on action figure governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's
payroll are caught selling the dead whales to Japan to supplement
that island nation's blubber-starved diet.
MAY
Amidst increasing tensions,
the Turkish Military takes advantage of the spring thaw to launch
a full-scale invasion of Iraqi Kurdistan on the pretext of combating
cross-border attacks by Turkish Kurd guerrillas. When U.S. and
Iraqi troops rush into the region to repel the aggression, Turkey
revokes U.S. landing rights at Inchelik airbase from which 70%
of U.S. supplies are ferried into Iraq.
Meanwhile, Muqatar al-Sadr's
Mahdi Army rises in Basra where huge pipeline explosions shut
down production in southern Iraq. The mounting instability drives
oil prices up to $250 a barrel, $6 a gallon at the U.S, pump
as Bush's rating slip to an all-time low at 6%.
In San Francisco, tensions
are running high in that upscale city's black enclaves after
indicted slugger Barry Bonds has his bail revoked when the usually
tight-lipped home run king explodes and calls the federal judge
in his perjury trial "a racist peckerwood on steroids."
Any doubts that global warming
isn't a done deal are dispelled by catastrophic flooding on the
Danube that puts six European nations under water and destroys
millions of acres of cropland, threatening food supplies. The
U.S. blames Iran.
JUNE
As the U.S. situation in Iraq
grows untenable and social tensions boil over across the U.S.,
the New York Times reports on a secret meeting of a disaffected
group of high-ranking generals including Petraeus and fired Joint
Chiefs of Staff chief Peter Pace with vice president Dick Cheney
at which suspension of the November election and a declaration
of martial law are mulled.
With the Republicans trailing
precipitously in the polls, the U.S. appears to be on its way
to electing its first black president. Both Bush and Giuliani-Tancredo,
the GOP frontrunners, endorse the Petraeus-Pace-Cheney plan to
call off the elections.
Global warming is thought to
be responsible for an outbreak of deadly Ebola fever in the Washington
D.C. area. Among the 108 victims: Supreme Court Justice Clarence
Thomas.
In a desperate effort to hold
the Court's "black" seat for a right-wing fanatic,
Bush nominates equal opportunity foe Ward Connolly, passing up
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice who promptly resigns. Condi
subsequently fulfills her lifetime dream of becoming National
Football League commissioner when Roger Goodell dies in a hot
air balloon accident.
JULY
Barak Obama is stabbed at a
July 4th barbecue in Chicago by a deranged Hillary follower wielding
a meat fork and dies on the way to hospital. Later that afternoon,
Bush declares the U.S. on maximum terrorist alert after a missile
loaded with explosives sails across the Mexican border and takes
out the Army Intelligence Center at Fort Huachuca, Arizona, killing
veep Dick Cheney and 398 U.S. soldiers - Cheney was at the Center
for a July 4th ceremony.
In a somber televised address
to the nation, Bush expresses his condolences to Obama's family
and breaks down in tears announcing Cheney's death in the Huachuca
bombing. The beleaguered president announces the suspension
of the November elections and decrees martial law. Bush pins
the attack on a previously unknown group, "Al Qaeda of Mexico",
which he claims is an Iranian front.
Within 24 hours, a team of
private bounty hunters are dispatched by Blackwater Worldwide
from its operational base on the Mexican-U.S. border at Potrero
California to capture those responsible for the Huachuca attack
and days later, the alleged terrorists are cornered on a Sonora
ranch.
U.S. troops are airlifted out
of Baghdad and dropped into northern Mexico under amended provisions
of the ASPAN or North American Agreement on Prosperity and Security,
which allows for the deployment of the U.S. military on Mexican
soil in the event of a terrorist threat. Anti-American riots
break out in Mexico City where President Calderon is accused
of collaborating with the Yanqui invaders. The Mexican Congress
votes to impeach,
AUGUST
As U.S. troops push deeper
into Mexico, Bush's popularity rebounds to 70%. A nauseating
wave of anti-Mexican sentiment breaks across the U.S. Mexican
businesses are burnt down throughout the country. Taco stands
are carbonized and the U.S. House of Representatives votes to
remove all taco items from its cafeteria restaurant. Mexicans
are lynched by mobs in South Carolina and Maricopa County, Arizona.
In downtown Los Angeles, an Arab American is mistaken for a
Mexican and beaten to death.
In this wildly xenophobic atmosphere,
the White House promulgates an executive order authorizing the
round-up of all suspected Mexicans and their relatives found
on U.S. soil. Mass ICE raids in Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta,
and New York City corral 300,000 Mexican look-alikes who are
interned in FEMA camps in remote eastern Oregon.
As social tensions rise in
the nation's capital following the violent eviction of tens of
thousands of mostly black homeless citizens encamped on the Capital
mall, Bush moves the White House to the headquarters of the North
Command inside a hollow mountain in Colorado.
A cyanide gas cloud believed
to be related to global warming settles over Sao Paolo Brazil,
killing 3700.
SEPTEMBER
The Sao Paolo tragedy is repeated
in Lagos Nigeria as 4500 are asphyxiated after a chemical explosion
at a BASF plant.
Leaving only a token garrison
behind, U.S. troops withdraw from Iraq and are sent home to combat
widespread rioting. Soldiers patrol the streets of Miami, Atlanta,
Chicago, New York and Los Angeles. The departure of so many
troops from Iraq sends jubilant mobs of Sunna and Shiaa into
the streets of Baghdad where they bury the hatchet and celebrate
together. "President" Chalabi is dragged from the
Green Zone and strung up on a lamppost.
The return of U.S. combat vets
suffering from posttraumatic stress is driven home when a battle-crazed
marine kills 37 at the Mall of America in Minneapolis over the
Labor Day weekend.
Hurricane Begonia smashes into
Miami Beach leveling South Beach. The Green Bay Packers in town
to open the season against the hapless Miami Dolphins are washed
out to sea. The U.S. Weather Bureau predicts a record-breaking
hurricane season - the phenomena is thought to be related to
global warming.
OCTOBER
George Bush declares the U.S.
"Mission Accomplished" in Iraq as the last troops arrive
back in the U.S. 5789 Marines and soldiers lost their lives
during the five-year war. The total number of Iraqi lives lost
is thought to top 2,000,000.
Bush, citing a relaxation of
tensions, reschedules the presidential elections for November
and Hillary Clinton is awarded the Democratic nomination by default.
Although she throws herself into a coast to coast blitz, the
combined July 4th murder of Obama and the terrorist attack at
Fort Huachuca have altered the electoral equation and Giuliani-Tancredo,
riding the anti-Mexican tidal wave, have pulled ahead.
Meanwhile, 16 suspected members
of Al Qaeda of Mexico captured by Blackwater are caged up at
Guantanamo after a tour of CIA torture prisons in Morocco, Jordan.
and Poland. The 16 are identified as drug gang members working
for "El Chapo" Guzman who had been firing cocaine-stuffed
missiles thought to have been obtained in Iran, across the U.S.
border for months. The fact that "El Chapo" has been
granted sanctuary in Tehran further underscores an Iranian connection
to the Huachuca bombing. The U.S. once again threatens to nuke
Iran's "nuclear weapons facilities" as the price of
oil touches $350.
Back in the Americas, Hurricane
Nassar shakes up Cuba and leaves the island without electricity
for 10 days. Aging Prime Minister Fidel Castro's respirator
shuts down and he gasps his last. Bush celebrates the Comandante's
death in his Colorado cave but the response of Miami's anti-Castro
"gusanos" is muted by the devastation of that city
which FEMA authorities now categorize as being greater than New
Orleans.
Finally, the Boston Red Sox
win their second straight World Series - the hated Yanquis are
consigned to last place in the American league East. All players
on both teams are indicted for shooting up monkey glands and
human growth hormones.
NOVEMBER
Giuliani-Tancredo win a fraud-smeared
U.S. presidential election as millions of votes disappear from
the screens of ballot-tallying computers before election workers'
eyes in 17 American cities and states.
Ten days later, during a memorial
ceremony at Ground Zero in lower Manhattan, President-elect Giuliani
is whacked by the Gambino family who he relentlessly hounded
as U.S. prosecutor in the 1980s. Bush blames Iran and issues
the usual threat to take out Ahmadinejad's bogus weapons of mass
destruction.
Tom Tancredo is sworn in early
as president amidst fears of a second mob hit and immediately
decrees the annexation of Sonora, Baja California, Chihuahua,
and two other Mexican states as a buffer zone against Al Qaeda
of Mexico. Meanwhile, hundreds of thousands of Mexicans held
in Oregon are charged with felony sedition, a crime punishable
by death.
A late-season Hurricane Xochitl
slams into the Texas Gulf setting off blasts at refineries and
oil storage tanks so powerful that they can be seen and heard
from the moon, filling the Gulf of Mexico with toxic sludge,
and sending the price of oil over $400 a barrel.
DECEMBER
Nobel Prize-winning scientists
gathered in Geneva summon world leaders to that Swiss city to
announce that the planet has only six months to live and advises
them to fill out their wills and distribute suicide pills to
their citizens. The U.S. blames Iran.
War and production fall precipitously
as the Earth waits to die. Drunken hordes carouse through the
world's cities, invading private property and having public sex.
With a heavy heart, the New
York Times announces that Santa Claus has died, a victim of lead
poisoning thought to have been caused by the toys he delivers
each Christmas.
Christmas is cancelled. The
U.S. blames Iran.
John Ross is in Mexico City staring into a mottled
crystal ball with his fake eye. Write him at johnross@igc.org
.
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