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CounterPunch
March 21,
2003
Blood for Oil
The Exchange
Rate
By BEN TRIPPP
(A protest speech for March 20, 2003,
in Los Angeles.)
I cannot condone the use of violence of any kind
for any reason, unless somebody really fucks with me,
for example by making an abrupt lane change in front of my motherfucking
car, asshole. So even as we go marching into a sovereign country
just in case, you never know- with our entire military might,
a war machine such as this world has never seen before, I must
warn my fellow protestors: don't use violence to fight violence.
That's like throwing gasoline on a fire, and we all know gasoline
is worth more than blood. Actually that's not true. Blood plasma
costs $26 per IU, which is 450 milliliters, or just under a pint,
or in layman's terms waaay more blood than you've ever seen come
out of somebody's neck. Gasoline is worth a little more than
two bucks per gallon at the moment. A gallon contains 3,785 milliliters
as any goddamn fool knows, so you can see why I'm bringing a
couple quarts of unleaded premium with me to the hospital when
it's surgery time. It stings like bejeezus, but I'll sure save
a lot of dough.
So blood is worth more than gasoline.
Of course the price of crude oil is plummeting at the moment,
wandering in the region of $31.00 per barrel (44 gallons each,
or a shitload of milliliters) so blood is worth exponentially
more than crude oil, which is what this war is mostly about.
If you could fill your car's tank with crude oil instead of refined
gasoline, you would save yourself at least $1.44 a gallon. But
if you fill same tank with actual medical-grade blood plasma,
it would set you back a solid $208.00 per gallon. So fuck it,
no blood for oil, right? It doesn't make economic sense. As I
wrote this, around three dozen people in the combat zone were
definitely dead- about half of them ours and half of them theirs.
Your average adult human at full capacity holds around 8 pints
of blood that's 4.5 liters for you metric freaks, but the
pint will never die as long as there's beer in a glass somewhere
in this Godless world-so each of those humans (all of whom by
some startling twist happen to be adults, but this record won't
last under the circumstances) is worth an impressive $208.00
in blood alone. So that's $7,488.00 worth of blood spilled so
far, and by the time I read this that number will have skyrocketed
along a Bell Curve the shape of the Grim Reaper's scythe.
So here we are at war for oil, and it's
a pretty unpopular idea, so we're getting all disobedient and
such here on the home front. The loyal opposition in Washington
folded its hands in chaste obedience at the first shot like Bush
crossed a magic safety line when he started the war and now he
can say "fuck you" to the Democrats and they can't
do anything about it but humbly pass whatever evil domestic policies
he's cooking up, all in the name of supporting those poor bastards
who are over there in desert camouflage fighting for the pump.
That leaves the American people to do something about it. And
without our elected representatives to defy the unelected ones,
we must take to the streets. I fully support the notion of civil
disobedience. I fully support shutting down every goddamn downtown
area in this country, forming a human chain down the main street
of this whole country until this war is over. Anybody who doesn't
like it should probably be over there fighting. Or maybe he should
examine the black smudge under his armpit where his soul ought
to be.
So don't be obedient citizens. The Founding
Fathers weren't. Martin Luther King wasn't. Jesus H. Christ was
so disobedient they nailed his ass to the tree, and look where
it got him- even George W. Bush believes in him now. Back in
Jesus' day they didn't have tear gas and nylon handcuffs and
pepper spray. But they have these things now. Back in Jesus'
day they didn't have bulldozers. They have them now. So be careful
out there. Shut this country down, if you think that will make
the difference. I do, but it would be seditious of me to say
so. So instead of recommending that you all get out there and
spend the rest of your days until this thing is over making sure
there's no such thing as business as usual in America, let me
just say this: whatever you feel moved to do, be safe. Because
your blood is worth a hell of a lot more than oil, any day of
the week.
Ben Tripp
is a screenwriter, satirist and cartoonist. He can be reached
at: credel@earthlink.net.
Yesterday's
Features
Jo Wilding
From
Waiting to War: a Day and a Night in Baghdad
Stephen Banko
I Was
a Soldier Once
Kevin Alexander Gray
How Did
We Become an Outlaw Nation?
Shane Claiborne
Nomadic
Solidarity: Glimpses of Life in Baghdad on the Eve of War
Kathy Kelly
Waiting on the Baghdad Skies to Crack
Anthony Gancarski
Michelle
Makin's "Liberty Shields"
Rahul Mahajan and Robert
Jensen
Myths
and Facts About the War on Iraq
Jason Leopold
Cheney's
Lies About Halliburton and Iraq
Ron Jacobs
If War is Business as Usual, There Should be No Business as Usual
Chuck O'Connell
Predictions About the Iraq War
Douglas Herman
US Air Force Veteran on the Coming Air Campaign
Ralph Nader
Come
On Democrats, Stand Up for Peace
William Hughes
War is Theft
Sima Saeedi
Dispatch
from Iran
Hammond Guthrie
John Philip Sousa
Website of the Day
Iraq
Body Count
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